Hey Ladeez

Okay, so- in an effort to re-energize and re-start, I'm updating my iPod (certainly the most proactive step toward weight loss). Somehow, most of the music I own falls into the Patti Griffin/Alison Kraus genre. Not exactly rump-shakin'. I need recs. I DO have some Justin Timberlake (naturally), but otherwise find myself browsing the iTunes store with a duuuhhhh kind of glazed-over expression.

On a similar note, Corbin and I were watching Entourage last Sunday, and the credit track was Straight Outta Compton. We had one of those eyes locked joyful moments of, "I love this song! Wait- you too?!? See, we ARE soul mates". Moreover, Corbin actually OWNED said N.W.A. tape at one time. This prompted many memories of unlikely music choices past. Such as... when getting ready to go out during college, Shauna and I always listened to the soundtrack to New Jack City. Because, you know, we are down like that. Now let me just say, I'm pretty much your garden variety white girl (see above reference to folk music), but my secret love for rap/r&b runs deep. Maybe it's the drill team girl in me. But I do tend to turn down the volume when pulling into a parking lot, in hopes of avoiding puzzled WTF looks from youngsters. But my iPod is my little secret, and I hope to fill it to the brim with explicit lyrics.

Also- my face is starting to slide off of my head and fold and crease in an unsightly manner. Anybody have restorative potions to suggest?

God is great

ThankyouGodthankyouGodthankyouGod... etc. Mama is still cancer-free. Aaaaaaaaaaaah. Just releasing the breath I've been holding for about a month. So yeah, brain mets would have been bad news indeed, but we are in the clear- her onc says it's just the clots from her TIAs, caused by her mitral valve repair.

I'd been having this wierd, robot response to the situation: (monotone)This will not happen. This will not happen. I just couldn't go there again unless I absolutely had to. My mom makes me completely insane, calls my abdomen a poochie, and has all sorts of mom-flaws, but she is also my perfect, irreplaceable, can't-do-without mother, and I'm so, so grateful that she's well. Thank you, Lord. God is great.

Pre-Menstrual Psychosis

Seriously. For about 3-4 days per month, I feel like I must do some/all of the following
ripping my skin off
screaming
crying
running away to parts unknown

Today, for example, I have zero patience for my beautiful (if sassy) children. Do they deserve a mentally unstable mother? They do not. After putting them down for naptime (I imagine that they were as relieved as I was), I had to sob for about 30 minutes, while eating ice cream straight out of the tub. Do I feel better now? No. Now I'm just sadder and fatter.

I had to go back on the friggin' pill to try to get this worked out, and I'm going to try a new one starting Sunday, but so far... no help. My gyn suggested that exercise would also help this issue, which, while I'm sure that's probably true, made me itch to slap her. Yeah, lady, I'm fat. I get it. Did I mention that I'm feeling psychotic? You may want to watch your smart mouth.

It makes me crazy to feel this crazy, because- what's my problem? I'm sitting here in my big new house (actually clean- the service came this morning), with 3 beautiful healthy children, who I am lucky enough to stay home with. Boo hoo. That's the point, though. It's not really ABOUT anything- just brain chemicals on the fritz, but it FEELS like I live this pointless, miserable existence. What a freak.

Anyway.

Updates: My father's wife passed away in her sleep (at a great hospice) last Thursday. He was fairly prepared, and is doing as well as could be expected. My mother is on her way to MD Anderson today, and should get her results on Monday. My mother-in-law got some good news re: cancer markers, but I believe they're still going to remove her ovaries (so, I guess we'll know for sure w/ the path report?). Thanks for the support and well-wishing.