Meatball

Note to self: When you do not blog, and when you do not log points, things can go very wrong very fast. Further note to self: You are not able to control yourself with bags of Hershey's chocolate eggs in your house. Only fun-size bags will be allowed from now on. Okay, so... I haven't blogged for about 2 weeks. The first week I only lost 1.5 pounds, and then only 1 pound the next week. I mean- it could have and SHOULD have been worse, given what I ate, so- whatever, lesson learned. Will I repeat these mistakes in the future? You betcha! I'm just contrary that way. Also, I like food (duh). So- 178. I'm looking forward to 177, because a) that's 15 pounds, and 1/3 of my initial goal, and b) that was my pre-twin-pregnancy weight.

I kind of feel weird blogging about my weight right now, since I've blogged about other, far more serious things recently. It seems selfish and unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I guess my life and my emotions are all over the map, just like everyone else. Still gotta do the work, though.

Update on baby J: He's doing really well in speech therapy. His therapist always comes out with great things to say about how encouraged she is by his progress. That's great, of course, but I'm tempted to think: Are you so encouraged that you no longer think he's autistic? I know, I know. I'm trying to keep a lid on my crazy until the neuro appt in July. Hoping that Obama's new plan will help us out with getting/paying for services. I'm also wondering about music therapy. Honestly, the times when I hear the most words or word attempts from him is when he's "singing" in the car. And you should just see the gigantic smiles. It would be worth it, just for that. He said a close approximation of "meatball" the other day, while we were singing "On Top of Spaghetti"! I mean... meatball! He so rocks.

Update on little L (the little boy from the "Please" post): His pathology reports showed that his particular type of cancer is less aggressive than other types he might have had, so that's great. He is having a shunt placed to address leaking CSF from the surgery he had (to remove the tumor), having a port placed for chemo. He'll have radiation at M D Anderson (because the have a better, much more precise delivery system (less damage), and they're still waiting to find out the results of the spinal to see about mets. His dad says he's toughing it out, and refuses to complain of pain- just says he's tired. In nursing school, I HATED the pedi rotation, because if there is something sadder or harder than a sick child, I don't know what that is. Continued prayers, please- even if that's not your thing ;) Good thoughts, good mojo, whatever.

Please

Corbin and I just found out that some close friends of ours- their son (3) has a malignant brain tumor. I beg all of you, please, to pray just as hard as you can. Include him in your church prayer offerings. I can barely breathe, thinking about it, and he's not even mine. This couple fought very hard to have their children, struggled with infertility, lost twins at 22 weeks, and finally they are a beautiful family of four. I just plainly cannot believe this is happening to them. Please, just keep this baby in your hearts.

Artist in Residence

Okay, I think it might be time for a new scale. I weighed in at 180 this morning, but did I really lose 4 pounds during a week when I ate both pizza AND fried catfish? I'm thinking not. I re-did it like 50 times, but have decided to claim 181, just to hedge my bets. I do wish it would stop being rainy and/or cold so I can get out at night after the kids are asleep, and just walk and breathe and get out of my own head. On the other hand, American Idol is so much of a time suck right now. How will I manage it?

So, the artwork featured below is courtesy of Miss E. Is that my kitchen table, you ask? One of maybe three pieces of grown up furniture we have? Yep. I'm hoping that the day will come when I find this cute and amusing. Right now, not so much. At least her carving is in my honor. My mom's kitchen table has "I hate mysef" carved into it. That one is thanks to my sister Katie (mired in teen angst, she forgot the "l" in "myself"). I love that table.

Also included: rarely-seen-snow-in-Texas pics.

Health care is two words? Huh.

Well, after much more insurance company tomfoolery, we are back on track with baby J's speech therapy. However, said insurance company (jackasses) have given us only 20 visits per year. After that runs out, we'll have to cut back, or shell out $120 a week. I posted a rant about the jackasses on FB, and now all and sundry think I'm a communist (I heart nationalized health care, and I don't care who knows it). Oh, well.

In election news, I am looking forward to voting in a new governor. There was as issue of Texas Monthly recently with Rick Perry on the cover, and the title: The Next President? Shiver me timbers, I certainly hope not. My vote NEVER counts in my county, but I still like to pretend I'm contributing, particularly if my dude (usually) wins. Really, it just gets me called in for jury duty every 6 weeks, but whatever. Rock the vote- or is that too 1992?

So, I'm starting to get the feeling that if I start exercising regularly, my weight loss quest will improve. You don't say. To this end, I have begun accumulating much gear. Almost as important as exercising is the preparatory shopping, no? No. Also, gaining more mastery of the points system. Is it worth it to waste 2 points on 10 m&ms? Yes. Yes it is.

Okay, I keep rereading my post, checking for errors, so as not to enrage HP. Am I okay? Eek!

All Aboard the Crazy Train

Little J: So, I called the neuropsychologist. Well... she does not take ANY kind of insurance, EVER. So, for the pleasure of hearing a diagnosis I already pretty much know and getting referred to services we're already getting, it'll set me back $1800. Right. I guess she only wants wealthy autistic patients from Westlake. Anyway, I got another name from J's speech therapist (and another Dad in the waiting room recommended him also), and we have an appointment. July 27th. Sigh. We're on the list to be called if there's a cancellation (probably with 450 other families), so I hope we can get in sooner. I guess there's just a shortage of docs working in this area, given the demand, which isn't too surprising.

At any rate, Little J continues to do well in therapy, and enjoys singing along (sort of) with the Glee soundtrack. If we could just get him on table food, we'd be good to go. A couple of days ago, we were playing the kissing game (sit with faces in close range, and kisskisskiss until someone gives up- never me), and I thought: Okay- we're okay here. There are some things that are wrong, but there are a lot of things that are right, and the connection is by far the most important thing to me. I'm trying to get to a good place mentally with this whole situation. I mean, he's mostly okay, and if he needs a little extra (or a lot) in some areas, maybe I was meant to be his mom, because I'm in a position to give him more (as a quasi-nurse and SAHM, as opposed to a teenager with no patience or resources). Anyway, I'm working on it.

So, for the weekly AND monthly round up... only 1 pound this week, for a total of 8 for the month (184 from 192). Certainly not awesome, but I guess I'll take it. Obviously, the week before last was a total wash because I was losing my mind. This week, I was doing really well- under on points almost every day. Yeah, except for Saturday. When I went 18 points over. Well, we had cheeseburgers at Mighty Fine for lunch, and I had some adult beverages that night, so there you go. Originally, I had thought: I can lose 12 the first month, 10 the second, then 8 the third, to come out at 30 pounds in the first 3 months. Bwahahaha. I mean, really- this is ME we're talking about. I didn't get fat in 3 months, and I'm sure as hell not getting skinny in 3 months. Crazy talk. Honestly, if I could come near 20 pounds in the first 3 months, I'll be shocked and thrilled.

Also- I'm getting a food scale. I am soooo tired of counting out one ounce of chips or crackers. And I refuse to give up chips and salsa, one of the great pleasures of my life.