Cabin Fever

So, Corbin already knows he has to work late tonight (1), and (2) all 3 kids have miserable colds, and (3) it's rainy and cold outside. So, we can't go anywhere, can't go outside, everyone is pissy, and my reinforcements are delayed. Aaaargh! I knew yesterday it was going to be like this, so I planned ahead, but little J won't let me put him down, which is throwing a wrench into everything. And the attitude from Miss E... where's a good paddle when you need one? One thing she was really excited about (well, that makes one of us) was that I had an exercise DVD ready to go on my computer to do during baby naps. Well... after giving me an enthusiastic thumbs up during the intro, things quickly deteriorated. "You're so mean... I don't want to exercise with you in here... no, it's NOT like ballet, this is EXERCISE... I'm just going to leave... stop looking at me..." and etc. Really, a constant stream of abuse. Needless to say, baby J was rudely awakened 1 hour into his nap. That should help with the flow of the day.

However, the 10 minutes of the DVD that I got to do looked really mild, but sort of kicked my ass. You pretty much never put your arms down at your sides, which is sooo hard for me. It's from Self. I'll have to see if I can get through it later. Looks good. Not too cheesy. Also, it's already 3:00, and I still have 12 points to go! I wonder how many a snickers is?

Out of the mouths of babes

Miss E spent time today admiring my considerable muffin top. Loaf top? Cake top? Whatever. She said something about how big and super-great it was. Well. Big, certainly, but I have to disagree about the greatness aspect. I cannot WAIT to have the thing lopped off. Just as soon as I lose 50 pounds. Any day now!

So, I'm over on points today (2.5), and I could have made it, had I just turned down that extra piece of french bread. Well, I'll figure it out. Like it's a mystery. Also, I'm hungry all the time, because I insist on eating what I like, just in baby portions. It MIGHT be worth considering actually eating something worthwhile.

In the plus column, I had the chance to organize my bathroom cabinets today, which pleased me inordinately. Really, I get WAY too much satisfaction out of these things. Must get a life. Also, Baby G is sooo into the Glee soundtrack, which she sings all day long, and also commands performances from others. It's my new favorite thing.

Okay, well, the nightly dance party is in full swing. Wonder if I can get exercise points for this?

Day 2: grumble-grumble

Okay, well... today was better. I have to say that I am hungry, though. You don't say. However, I am pleased to announce that I had one leftover point today, so that's good, I guess. I seriously need to build some activity into my day, though. And I would like to know... where on the points list is real-life running after kids? I am often sweating by the time I wrangle them all into clean diapers/panties and clothes for the day. Well, maybe that's more indicative of my out-of-shapeness.

I need to find some bloggy support from other fatties like me (not that I don't appreciate the comments from my skinny minis!). Not even sure how to do that, really. I also need to spend much less time watching the food network at night. Very bad things can happen after watching Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. Many deep-fried items with bacon and such.

So, my husband is bummed about the lack of sugary snack foods in our house at present (usually, there is much crap to be found). The thing is, I am the one who eats it. He'll eat like one serving or whatever, and then wonder why there isn't any more 4 days later. Well, duh- I didn't get this fat by NOT snarfing down every edible item in the pantry. He is annoyingly slender. 6'3", and I probably weigh more than him (God, I hope not). I tend to think of him as eating whatever he wants, but that's not really true. He skips breakfast, eats a Healthy Choice meal for lunch, and then whatever he wants for dinner. So, while I would not advise this plan as a quasi-nurse, I guess it gets results.

Told Miss E that she's in charge of counting my sit-ups every day while the babies nap. Surely if I leave my fitness in the hands of a preschooler, good things will happen. Anyway... so far, so good, I guess.

Second Verse, Same as the First

February 1st. 10 months after I started (and then immediately abandoned) my weight-loss journey. Ah, well. Oh- and naturally, I am fatter (5 pounds, which brings us to a bone-chilling 192). Kill me now. So, I joined Weight Watchers today, and I already find it annoying. After a while, I guess you get to know what the points are for everything, and how to use the system, but so far, I'm having to search for things like coffee with creamer on the points list. Grr. Also, I sort of made an effort today, but still went over my points allowance. Okay, I'm REALLY tired and pissy, but I hope to feel/sound more gung-ho tomorrow.

So, I'm thinking about those Reebok easy-fit shoes (yes, I would like to be fit and yes, I would like it to be easy...SOLD!). Any thoughts? Also, I have a wii and was wondering if any of the wii fit/wii active thingies are good and/or worth it. Okay, what's with me and the slashes? Again, soooo tired.

So, again... I welcome any and all encouragement, criticism, ass-kicking, shaming, support, ideas, forced cleanses, etc. Giddy-up.

For Ms. Last Chance

Lately, I've been thinking about this line I heard in a movie years ago, from a mother to her daughter, about a loss she'd suffered. It went something like: I have a stone in my heart for what's happened to you.

This is just what I feel for my wonderful, beautiful, heartbroken friend. A cold, hard, heavy, just WRONG feeling in my heart. There is nothing I can do or say, and it's wrenching for all of us who love her, watching her suffer so horribly. And I'm sorry- I'm sure it would not be better if this had happened in March, but the holidays do not help.

She posted a response to someone suggesting that, if she adopts a baby, she won't know what she's missing anyway. God, I hope that in any small way, that's true. Of all the losses she's had and the mourning she's going through, I would be thrilled to think that she's ignorant of some small piece of joy she'd be missing out on, but I doubt it.

You- I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you all the time. It seems that you are not really ready to talk to your "lucky fertiles you like" but if I'm wrong, please say, so I can call. Or come to see you. I'm missing you, and the list of things I wish and hope and pray for you goes on for miles.

Hey Hey Hey

Well, I decided that even though the fatness continues, I can still put WAY more effort into my appearance. I'm going to be the best fatty I can be. To wit: I have purchased (from Target) and implemented Crest Whitestrips AND a fancy Olay skincare regimen. Perhaps my shiny head will distract others from the hot mess below. I have noticed that using the Whitestrips interrupts key gorging times during my day, so this helps somewhat. Maybe I'll just continue using them until my teeth are radioactive, and I can fit into my college jeans. I also got my hair cut, but I'm not sure it was actually an improvement. But, they massaged my head, so it's totally worth it. From Kohl's, I have purchased a handful of items that actually fit me (don't even ask the size- I could puke). Kohl's, I tell you. Swank! As this shopping spree took place the evening before our season-opening game, most of my new garments are "burnt orange". Now, this is not a color one normally stumbles across outside of the UT coop store, so I am enjoying the feeling that not only am I school spirited, but I am also (accidentally) actually wearing a current color. Oh, you know, it's in all the fall lines... Chaps, Dana Buchman, Sonoma. It's white hot.

In hormonal news, I only really had that one wretched day, so maybe this pill will work out after all. Anyway, it's an improvement. I'm hoping that if I feel more positive overall, I might actually be motivated to make some sort of real change. Oh- I did switch from coffee creamer to 1% though. Look out Nicole Ritchie. I saw in the Target ad that M&Ms are on sale. Cute, holiday-themed discount chocolate. Damn them! I must resist!

And here's a little nugget just for fun: All 3 kids have diarrhea. Little J started Thursday, and the fun just keeps on comin'. Nothing says "brand new me" like being up to your elbows in poop.

Crash

Oh well. I had high hopes for this new pill I'm on, but here I am having a psychotic episode. Probably doesn't help that I had both twins in the ER in the past few days for freak accidents. Mommy confidence at an all-time low. Unfit mother as well as unfit fat-ass. How much more of this before the term clinical depression applies? Did I shower today? Nope. Did I even get dressed? Well, I added a bra and shoes to my pajamas (although, pjs are yoga pants and t-shirt). I'm thinking that if I slept in it, probably I should take it off for the daylight hours. Ugh. Can't even complete this post- just sitting here staring at it. Hate. This.